Sunday, January 29, 2012

Four Years of Complicated Relationship

It was eight years ago when I met this wonderful person in the past at work. Let's just call him Wiv. He showed me the mystery of life. Oh, how beautiful my life was to be treated as princess in our own little world in his own ways. It was Wiv who cared for me as much as my parents do. But my journey with him was not that perfect as I wanted it to be. I lived in secrets and hid in the shadows for four years. I knew the risk but I tried still. No one to be blamed.

All throughout my student life, I never let my heart ruled over my mind for I didn't wanted my folks get disappointed on me. I did good in school. I didn't entertained suitors. I didn't even had much male friends. I was scared then of getting into relationships. So after I got my license in my chosen profession, I thought of taking the risk and giving my heart a chance to ruled and experienced the what we so called "love". Wiv was the first one who took the challenged of winning my heart. It was not easy for me to say the magical word "Yes". Maybe it would have been easier if it was someone else but it's not. It took me a lot of courage to dealt with my feelings and somehow gambled my fate.

Four years...In a relationship...somehow Complicated...

Since we were of the same company, we have seen each other often. We talked and laughed a lot. We had lunch and dinner together more often. We did so much what was supposed to be done as partners. We had our ups and downs. A lot of "LQ's" passed. No regrets...I learned a lot.

There was just a time, a third party came along our way. Wiv got an intimate connection with a woman other than me. It hurts...It was a heartache. To justify, I got even and later on somehow learned to forgive him. But unexpectedly after all what happened, things may not be the same as it used to be and so my feelings. Maybe my heart was scared and tired enough to gamble its fate for another heartache caused by a person I trusted most.

It took also for me a lot of courage to end everything right there and then. 

All connections were cut and burned. My heart cried. It really hurts when love fails.
And It has been four years already since my last love and heartache. 

I know my heart is now strong enough  to face all the challenges in life.
No more running away. I swear...








Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A Sign

Will you come with me
On a journey on this earth?
Reach for our dreams,
Swim among the clouds
Or frolic in flooded city.
Chicken feet for snacks,
Mock other people with interest
While eating "halo-halo" on the street.

I will write everything in my book.
Just like those buses I was with
Filled with baggage's and colorful stories...

But I don't want to beg you to try
I want you to set off affectionate love...
Shower me with roses til we grow old...

As I await His blessing
A sign...
That you are my forever...The One.

For now, let me draws a smile on sadness
And delight in the days of being with you...
In time.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Coming Out from the Dark

Living life wouldn't mean
That you have to do things right
To have eternal life after death.
Living life would mean
That you have to live it the way you want it.
The way you think is right.

What am I babbling about?

He is the only reason for this.
Just him.

Then why is God's definition of love
So different from anyone else's?
How ca it be so different from mine?
When we all know that
It simply...feels good...to love.

See
Everything about me, my whole body,
My mind, my heart, my soul,
My whole being points out to this person
And tells me that what I'm feeling is not a lie.

How can that be so bad
In the eyes of so many?
And in the eyes of God?
I just...don't get it.

I was thinking...
Maybe it would have been better and easier
...If it was someone else.
But the thing is...It's not.

Why does it have to be him?
Why does it have to be only him?
I'm going to be completely honest
And spare myself from being completely disillusioned.
I just want one day...to be with him.

Just one day and that is all.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

I just want to be able to
Live that moment again.
To let my heart
Feel an overflow of emotions.
I want to feel the intensity
Flowing into our bodies.
Releasing on our fingertips.

Is that too much to ask?
Just one more day.
Please? Can I?