Those Happy Moments

07 June 2000

The sparkle of your eyes when you smile,

The tender touch of caring hands,

The sweet kisses from your warm lips,

Those laughter we've made when the

        sand castles we've built were

        washed away, not knowing it 

        would mean a broken heart.

Yes, we build a dream,

You're the king and I'm the queen.

But dream is just a dream,

It was lost when I woke up.

Now, I'm compared to an island,

So lonely since you've gone.

Why did you left me alone?

Where are those promises you made?

Don't you know the sleepless nights,

I've spent just thinking of you?

I've even again and again wondered,

Why you've done to me such cruel.

Don't you know how you broke my heart?

Oh! it hurt so much that makes me beg for death to end.

But I could never hate you, and

Neither will I revenge, and

I can't help but weep and suffer for

Tears can't hide and memories lingers on.

I am thinking for your comfort dear,

Please come back to me, I'm waiting.

Heal this wounded heart and bring back those 

Happy moments we've shared.

God And Finding Your True Soulmate

22 April 2000

For special people searching for that unique person in their life. It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how exactly you feel.

Maybe, God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,  only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be. and you just have to let go. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is not an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesn't be content it grew in yours.

There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person that you would like to hear them from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his heart. Never say goodbye if you still want to try- never give up if you still feel you can go on - never say you don't love a person if you can't let go. Love comes to those who still hope although they've been disappointed, to those who still believe, although they've been betrayed, to those who still need to love, although they've been hurt before, and those who have courage and faith to build trust again.

Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, title or position, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Dream what you want to dream. Be what you want to be because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. One day when you are not looking...GOD WILL PRESENT TO YOU YOUR TRUE SOULMATE...

TODAY

21 April 2000

In just a blink...
I made mistake stupidly.
And in just a blink...
I lost you unreasonably.

What I've done?...my God.
My self went shock, as in shock.
How could I've been mad
To the one I love.

And there I was, like a fool.
Thinking how to make you cool.
Scream here, scream there.
I couldn't help, you still at stare.

I thought those dooms would never leave.
As I pray for that night to fade away.
For it caused so much pain and trouble on me.
As I ask for an apology.

Whew!...Wow! What a relief!
Of forgiving a fool like me.
Thanks to you
For teaching me how to be me.

And now I'm confident to tell anybody.
That I'm living today, not yesterday,
        not tomorrow but today.
And I'm so lucky
To have you as my buddy.

Now that we're okay
I'm confident to say
My chum will always be my chum,
Till the end of time.

Me

21 April 2000

Here I am again,
Wearing the same mask,
Denying the anger, fear...
What a good actress?

Still shamming as if...
That I'm still okay.
Smiling in front
But screaming behind.

And now there you are
Want me to reach
But how can I?
If I have still this.

Is it enough to cry
Just to express myself?
Is it enough to lough
For me to be safe?

My friend, can you still identify me?
The real me from that mask
After all that I've revealed.
No, you'll never, never...ever.

MIRRORS

(Guidance 2 - October 2002 with 1.2 grade)

From a Sister

She is great and for all the good traits she had, undeniably, the members of our family appreciate her so much. But for me, there is no other traits can fill to complete her existence except for her being kind.

Yet, being good and kind-hearted person will not be appreciated without her alter ego. I observed that she is quite moody and ill-tempered sometimes which makes me feel so irritated.

From Friends

Good companion, good friend, she is a good adviser in different situations. True friend and can be trusted.

She don't talk about what she feels, think on some situations and about some things that bothers her. Sometimes, too frank that could make some people offended.

From a Loved One

Just a point of clarification before I start, I have nothing to do with any romantic involvement with the addressee. I'm just actually a mere friend of hers - one of her closest friends, that is. Well, to me, She's no longer a common friend that comes and goes through the years. She's always been a good companion (everywhere), a listener, a hand when I'm in need and of course, my reflector - who critics and evaluates my damn self.

She has lessen her being "loud-mouth" about anything, but there are some instances that she tends to lose her tact - and again hit others. She also has that irritating attitude wherein she gladly opens a conversation,, bring something up and say a word or two about it and when you ask what was she talking about , She'll just give you a shrug and a dismissing look that tells you to just back-off and forget anything, infuriating, right?

REACTIONS from the addressee

For a Sister

I'm not used to hear any critics or evaluation from my family. We're not that good in expressing inner emotions to each one of us. But since I asked it, so my younger sister tried to have something, jot here in my notes. I'm quite glad to hear some appreciation from her. At first glance, on what she have written, something deep inside softly stabbed my feelings. My gosh!, it touched my heart. On the other hand, upon reading the unpleasant feedback, I'm no longer surprised about those bad stuffs since I consider her as my enemy at home. Don't think that I don't love her - I love her very much. If I could just dare to express my feelings to her, I would tell her How am I thankful and glad for having her as my sister.

For Friends

I'm not anymore surprised of how they appreciate me. I admit I'm that good as a friend, companion and as an adviser to their woe's and predicaments. On the contrary, I also admit being frank and silent or perhaps unfair in the sense that they shared more  and I shared less. But it doesn't mean that I don't trust them at all. It's just that I'm still shy, I'm ashamed to let them know about what I truly feel deep, deep down inside me regarding a certain person or a thing. All through this time I've been trying to lessen this bad habit but still I could hear feedback's about that damned attitude. But inside myself, I know I did something and I think  I've lessen it if not totally but at least.

For a Loved One

Since I'm not in a relationship, so i chose a friend (closest), one who knows almost everything about me to give feedback as my loved one. We'll I guess her evaluation and my expectation met. It is exactly I whom she described of being a good kind of friend to her. On the unpleasant side, Oh man!..She hits the bulls eye. Huh,..It hurts...But still I appreciate her of being honest, She really knows me inside out.

THE RAVEN by Edgar Allan Poe (published 1845)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, 
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, 
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, 
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. 
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door- 
                Only this, and nothing more." 

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, 
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. 
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow 
From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore- 
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore- 
                Nameless here for evermore. 

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain 
Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; 
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating, 
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door- 
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;- 
                This it is, and nothing more." 

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, 
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; 
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, 
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, 
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;- 
                Darkness there, and nothing more. 

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, 
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; 
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, 
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?" 
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"- 
                Merely this, and nothing more. 

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, 
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. 
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice: 
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore- 
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;- 
                'Tis the wind and nothing more!" 

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, 
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore; 
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; 
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door- 
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door- 
                Perched, and sat, and nothing more. 

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, 
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore. 
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven, 
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore- 
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!" 
                Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, 
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore; 
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being 
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door- 
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, 
                With such name as "Nevermore." 

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only 
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. 
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered- 
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have flown before- 
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before." 
                Then the bird said, "Nevermore." 

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, 
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store, 
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster 
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore- 
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore 
                Of 'Never- nevermore'." 

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, 
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door; 
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking 
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore- 
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore 
                Meant in croaking "Nevermore." 

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing 
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; 
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining 
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er, 
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er, 
                She shall press, ah, nevermore! 

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer 
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor. 
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee 
Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore! 
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!" 
                Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! - 
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, 
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted- 
On this home by Horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore- 
Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!" 
                Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! 
By that Heaven that bends above us- by that God we both adore- 
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, 
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore- 
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore." 
                Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting- 
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! 
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! 
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door! 
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" 
                Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting 
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; 
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, 
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; 
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor 
                Shall be lifted- nevermore! 




[This version of the poem is from the Richmond Semi-Weekly Examiner, September 25, 1849. It is generally accepted as the final version authorized by Poe. Earlier and later versions had some minor differences. Source]



  

Diocelan buenconsejo

from Cebu City Philippines

"I'm not really into literature but when I read one of Poe's short stories I felt awe... It's really strange and scary... That short story is The Raven."

signed 2009.06.20 5:19pm 

  

Reality

          I admit I am really not into writing but I’ve been always found myself grabbing a piece of paper and a pen in times of hazy moments. You know, dark moments. When no one is here with me and there’s nowhere to run.

            I usually spend my time formulating and calculating equations with numbers and letters. And now, I found myself seeing words trying to compose and figure out my innermost thoughts and feelings deep down from within.  I really don’t know. Maybe I am just scribbling anything for nothing. Huh, hate feeling sucks. 

            While groping in the dark behind these closed doors I must confess I’ve done stuffs…stupid one’s I think. You know, things that there’s no sense at all and unhealthy which never have been.

            My life got totally screwed when you left. People may not see as it seems to be but believe me I am broken and frozen. You broke me off into pieces. The tearful pain it brought marked an end. Hurtful and painful…nothing I could compare with those bloody aching body parts caused by those nonsense fights we used to have had back then.

            On the 4^th day of November 2012, it was Sunday, no work of course. I did my Sunday routine went to church in the morning, took my lunch and slept after awhile to condition myself for the following morning as I usually do. At around 3 o’clock of that silence deafening afternoon, a vibrate sounds from my phone awaken me and somehow I found my heart throbbed like that for the first time when I saw my mother’s name blinked on screen from the Philippines. So, I picked up my phone and heard mama’s voice and asked me to call her since she didn’t have enough load to talk for long. I dropped the call and hurriedly went downstairs to purchase a call card. Emergency stuffs run all over my head that time.

            So I called mama, the darkest moment in my life came in as my mother relayed me the story:

”me:    hello, ma?

 mom:  dai, lig-ona imu kasing2x…

 me:     ha! naunsa man diay mu diha? Asa man diay si papa?

 mom:  lig-ona lage u kasing2x diha kai ikaw ra baya usa.

 me:     nganu lage mu diha, naunsa lage diay mu diha.

 mom:  naghikog man imung manghud, tua imu papa sa purinarya”

            I dropped the call, my tears fell like rain that day. I couldn’t bear the pain that I almost wanted to follow you. I just cried and cried all night and day all along. I asked the company here to let me attend to your wake. I spent tearful sleepless nights and days up to the last moment that I could see your face and bade goodbye.

            “What was really happened?” Oh, how I wish to hear answers and arguments from you. I mean anything. I really love to hear anything from you but I know that it never gonna happen because you’re not here with us anymore. You’re really gone.

            It’s been six months already since you passed away. Tearful sleepless nights are still there with me. And for those nights that I managed to get a sleep, there you were tried to comfort me with those little hugs and talks. I love you sis so much. I miss you a lot. Thank you for everything. You are always in my prayers. May you rest in peace with Him. Your two kids will always remind me of you. I’ll be their shelter no matter what. We love you.

Well, it is indeed reality.

                                                             ( We love you sis...)