Words of Thousand Thoughts

I heard you unaware.

Your words spoke a thousand thoughts.

You just told me what you had to say.

I knew, it was only based on what I have shown you by heart.

But honestly, your words moved me...

Disturbed me... surprised me...

I admit, I hide things for some reasons privately.

I hide and I want it to be that way.

To be misjudged by anybody is what I'm afraid and worried of.

You are supposed to be in exemption since we shared a lot of things for so long.

But you are too good.

You are too right.

I trust you, yes I do.

But I can't help it, shameful still.

I'm scared...

Of the ghost I made.

Last night  at work...

Those words of yours haunted me 

While I was at the midst of my busy daily routine assignments.

Then when the clock ticked at 3:50 am...break time.

I grabbed a nap for 35 minutes.

I dreamed...

"There I stood at a crowded street as I caught one's own breath.

I was scared, Oh no! somebody was running after me.

Minutes after, someone from behind easily wrapped her arms around me

And said, Hey!, It's all right...I'm just here...

I turned and looked at her, she smiled in mock and together we laughed.

Whew! It was my best friend who run all along after me then...:)"

When I woke up, It was then I remembered and realized

The last few words of yours justified by that dream.

That whatever happens, what and who really am.

You are just there...

You were just there behind me all through this time.

This also made me realized that whatever secrets I may have.

Whatever or however I keep.

I can't hold it.

You caught me...

Then I wondered...

Why is that so as always?

I'ts just simply because YOU KNOW ME...of course.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wow!, It's been so long...It feels good to write you again for your birthday. Heheh, same as before this is only I can afford for now as present on your special day...my words...

This is my way of thanks giving for being with me, for bearing with me for the past 17 years of friendship.

Although we are not that physically close just like before, we are still friends...Best of Friends by heart...

I know you're not comfortable with compliments...Just bear with this, anyways this is for your birthday...

I'm just happy...I'm just glad for the friendship we have had. Many times I thought I lost you, of all the ups and downs we had within that 17 years...I'm so glad that the TRUST we have for each other still there...and of course we both care.

In time, we will talk...I promise...

In advance...

Happy Birthday!...:)

Four Years of Complicated Relationship

It was eight years ago when I met this wonderful person in the past at work. Let's just call him Wiv. He showed me the mystery of life. Oh, how beautiful my life was to be treated as princess in our own little world in his own ways. It was Wiv who cared for me as much as my parents do. But my journey with him was not that perfect as I wanted it to be. I lived in secrets and hid in the shadows for four years. I knew the risk but I tried still. No one to be blamed.

All throughout my student life, I never let my heart ruled over my mind for I didn't wanted my folks get disappointed on me. I did good in school. I didn't entertained suitors. I didn't even had much male friends. I was scared then of getting into relationships. So after I got my license in my chosen profession, I thought of taking the risk and giving my heart a chance to ruled and experienced the what we so called "love". Wiv was the first one who took the challenged of winning my heart. It was not easy for me to say the magical word "Yes". Maybe it would have been easier if it was someone else but it's not. It took me a lot of courage to dealt with my feelings and somehow gambled my fate.

Four years...In a relationship...somehow Complicated...

Since we were of the same company, we have seen each other often. We talked and laughed a lot. We had lunch and dinner together more often. We did so much what was supposed to be done as partners. We had our ups and downs. A lot of "LQ's" passed. No regrets...I learned a lot.

There was just a time, a third party came along our way. Wiv got an intimate connection with a woman other than me. It hurts...It was a heartache. To justify, I got even and later on somehow learned to forgive him. But unexpectedly after all what happened, things may not be the same as it used to be and so my feelings. Maybe my heart was scared and tired enough to gamble its fate for another heartache caused by a person I trusted most.

It took also for me a lot of courage to end everything right there and then. 

All connections were cut and burned. My heart cried. It really hurts when love fails.

And It has been four years already since my last love and heartache. 

I know my heart is now strong enough  to face all the challenges in life.

No more running away. I swear...

A Sign

Will you come with me
On a journey on this earth?
Reach for our dreams,
Swim among the clouds
Or frolic in flooded city.
Chicken feet for snacks,
Mock other people with interest
While eating "halo-halo" on the street.

I will write everything in my book.
Just like those buses I was with
Filled with baggage's and colorful stories...

But I don't want to beg you to try
I want you to set off affectionate love...
Shower me with roses til we grow old...

As I await His blessing
A sign...
That you are my forever...The One.

For now, let me draws a smile on sadness
And delight in the days of being with you...
In time.

Coming Out from the Dark

Living life wouldn't mean
That you have to do things right
To have eternal life after death.
Living life would mean
That you have to live it the way you want it.
The way you think is right.

What am I babbling about?

He is the only reason for this.
Just him.

Then why is God's definition of love
So different from anyone else's?
How ca it be so different from mine?
When we all know that
It simply...feels good...to love.

See
Everything about me, my whole body,
My mind, my heart, my soul,
My whole being points out to this person
And tells me that what I'm feeling is not a lie.

How can that be so bad
In the eyes of so many?
And in the eyes of God?
I just...don't get it.

I was thinking...
Maybe it would have been better and easier
...If it was someone else.
But the thing is...It's not.

Why does it have to be him?
Why does it have to be only him?
I'm going to be completely honest
And spare myself from being completely disillusioned.
I just want one day...to be with him.

Just one day and that is all.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

I just want to be able to
Live that moment again.
To let my heart
Feel an overflow of emotions.
I want to feel the intensity
Flowing into our bodies.
Releasing on our fingertips.

Is that too much to ask?
Just one more day.
Please? Can I?

Welcome Year 2012

Happy New Year to all.
Spending time on new year's eve alone,
Is something couldn't been proud of.
Alone and lonely, what a heck!..

Moments like this, a family like mine was supposed to be one,
With all those foods and fruits prepared on center table.
In my thoughts, I could picture out still
How the four of us bade farewell to the passing year
And as well, welcomed the coming year.

The moment a coming year stepped on our door,
We immediately gathered in the dining to do our yearly tradition.
A tradition wherein my father will make one slice on one of the fruits,
He then make one bite then pass on to my mother for another bite,
This time a bite will be come from me then the rest of that fruit
Shall be finished by my younger sister followed by a kiss for each.
This is our way of wishing us lucks and holding us tight,
For a peaceful whole year round as one.

Now is different, our family became bigger.
Things weren't like they were before.
My sister with her husband and their baby
Will spend their new year's eve alone and do their own tradition.

What makes it sad, we all spend our new year's eve alone.
My mother in the Philippines, while my father in Dammam, Saudi
And me here alone and lonely in this foreign land Taiwan.
I miss you my homeland, I'll be back soon
To spend the next new year's eve with you...

Moving On

When I look back
On the dreams I left behind;
Buried there in all my thoughts
It is you I always find.


I don't think that you think of me
You're with someone who made you laugh now.
Just only it hurts as always been,
I tried to win but unfortunately didn't work then.


Time, offered me chances to get over.
And this place, gave me opportunities
To move on and find better life,
Better than What would I have may be,
 at your side...


This time, I'm letting you go.
I must get on with my lfe.
Move on, keep on...
And build a home of my own.


This would be my greatest ambition...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ihq9l6cWB4

Isla Alegre

My hometown in Cebu is known as "Isla Alegre" in our own dialect which literally means a
Fun Island. People who were strangers or just moved in the place may have had in their
thoughts that there would be lots of fun and enjoyable moments as they claimed that the
residents were happy-go-lucky and seemed no worries at all.

As one of the resident, way back when I was young who started to understood things began to
wondered that how was my little hometown been known as "Isla Alegre"? I even asked the
elders and they just smiled at me without any word. Poor little lady...

With those years, at my very young age have had seen unpleasant events in my place. I
remembered one morning, there was this guy named Mier with his goons approaching nearly in
our own little store. Mier was my very first man who lived and rented my mind and heart
that time. I could still felt how my heart throbbed with sweaty palms everytime i got a
chance came closer to him. Yes, I got a huge crush on him. He was the first man in my
dreams. I was alone then since my parents went downtown. So, I handed him a case of SMB
(beer) as he requested then he smiled and said " Please add it to my credits, beautiful".
That phrase still rings on my ears.I felt mad of myself then for I was already told and
warned by my mother not to give Mier anything without paying it. But I didn't had a choice
with all his goons at the back and exposed guns, wheew! not to mention my feelings for him.
Our place was known scary to many because of him. No new faces could be found without
passing his territory where he could do anything.

On that afternoon of the same day, When I was about to close our store, I was stunned with
my knees trembled outside our door when I saw Mier appeared right before my eyes as he
kneeled down in pain with a continous blood flowed from his body. A stranger came from
nowhere and hit Mier to death. Yes, I had just witnessed such kind of brutality.
I was shocked and stood still for several minutes until that stranger disappear. Thank God,
that man did not waste his time to hurt me for I saw everything he did. A crowd filled the
crime scene as they took out Mier out of my sight. And for the last time I took one last
glance at him as he was carried by familiar faces. I saw them passed a hard rain under the sampaloc
tree near his residence. I didn't knew if I hallucinated on something, I cleared my eyes to
see clearly the rain under the tree as I wondered, why on earth I didn't felt even a single
drop of rain from where I stood? I took a deep breath as I realized and pained that it was my
heart who cried like rain that day while the people in my neighborhood felt relieved and
free that finally our little hometown would be all ready in peace and joy as it named.

Mier has been gone years ago but his memories stayed with me and served as my strength to
move forward to the right man waiting for me at the end of the line on the right time and
at the right place.